Art Realization
I have recently reentered an old hobby of mine, drawing and painting. Starting up on an old hobby like art may not sound like a life changing moment, but art and painting reentrying my life has been the genesis of a life changing revelation.
I have always been very fond of painting and drawing from a young age. In elementary school, art class was always my favorite class and I even took several after school art programs. It did not matter to me whether my art was good or not, I just loved doing it. However, around middle school, my interests changed to focusing on activities that I perceived would give me some kind of social status or recognition for participating in them.
It was at this age that I started to play several sports I was not very good at and more importantly, did not enjoy playing at all while completely neglecting things I did enjoy, like art. So why did I choose to put so much time and effort into things I did not enjoy? I did it because I thought by participating in sports, it would give me some kind of recognition, even if I hated playing them.
I had this idea at the time of a popular athlete I should strive to be and that by joining the soccer team, I would eventually turn into David Beckham. I pushed myself through practices and games by focusing on the perceived end result, getting some kind of recognition for playing sports. But I wasn’t very good at most of the sports I played and received little recognition because unknown to me at the time, I could not put my heart into something I did not enjoy doing. And even if I did excel at sports, the time and effort would have still been in vain because I would have still hated playing them. So I would have still been miserable, I would have just been miserable with more trophies and awards.
My participation in sports also became a twofold setback because it took time and effort away from things I did enjoy like art and the countless hours spent at practices and games turned out to be in vain. Don’t get me wrong, I still like to exercise and stay in good shape, but I don’t do it chasing a ball around anymore.
Fortunately, I stopped playing sports in high school, but my denial of pursuing things strictly based on recognition continued into college. I started my college career thinking about going into medicine, then briefly changed to business, before finally settling on majoring in history. Admittedly, it was not the most lucrative degree to pursue, but it was a subject I genuinely enjoyed learning about and did not have to force myself to attend class. Changing my college major despite it not having the average starting salaries as say engineering majors was the first step in freeing myself from doing things solely based on what kind of recognition I could get from them.
Fast forward a few years to a couple months ago. The lack of activities outside of work due to the Covid-19 pandemic led me to read up on philosophical concepts and find new activities that could be done at home. One of the philosophical ideas I read up on was stoicism or the idea that you are more likely to be successful when you do hobbies and activities strictly because you like doing them and not for any kind of reward or recognition.
The idea of stoicism led me to start doing something I once used to really enjoy again, painting, and I quickly remembered how much I loved doing it. Painting and drawing fills me with joy despite the end result or if people will like my paintings . This realization has caused me to question how much effort I spent doing things because I felt obligated to because of the pursuit of recognition. Why should I care what random people think who probably don’t care one way or another? Who I’m I really trying to impress? I no longer feel the burden to impress people who really don’t care. And who would have thought this realization would have come to me simply from starting a hobby I once enjoyed when I was young? My only regret is I realized at twenty seven instead of a decade earlier, but better late than never.
When I look back, I was always the happiest and most content when I was doing something creative, whether it was painting or telling a story or writing because that is who I am and where my skill set lies. I’m not good at playing sports or crunching numbers in an excel sheet because that’s not who I am. Creating is where my passion lies.
So will I become famous with my painting? I might, I might not, but I am going to keep doing it despite the end result.
